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but only when— and even if— before we saw— the day after— when she told me— only later did I— by then it was too— they should have known— it felt not sad but— I shut my mouth, my book, my door, my eyes, and began at the beginning instead.

They did free skull-measuring at work, booked out a meeting room for the day, got someone in with all the proper gear. They even sent out little graphics of your results for LinkedIn, really professional. I wasn't too sure about it, to be honest, but it was really

He told me he collected butterflies. I imagined a plastic tunnel in his garden with thick, hot air that made you sleepy. I imagined a little glass-fronted box where cocoons hung in rows, and us holding hands as something new emerged and unfurled its wings. I imagined delicate things that

The apprentice came back with tartan paint. Campbell, the tin said. It rolled on beautiful, sharp edges and dead straight. The next day we sent him for sky hooks, and I don't know how we ever worked without them. The day after, he handed Al a left-handed screwdriver,

The world ended with an eight-week consultation period, which didn't seem to make much difference. Representatives of the living were selected to sit in meetings with ancient gods and fundamental forces and (just showing its face for five minutes due to a packed schedule) the endless, yawning void.

There were men in the woods with 3D-printed chainmail and LED-tipped wizards' staves. Eliza watched them from the campsite office: flashes in the trees, and every now and then, a knight or a warlock emerging for a piss or a phonecall or a can of Irn Bru. God, they

His magic coat grew new embroidery overnight, marking out his accomplishments in threads of green and gold and scarlet. It grew in beauty as he grew in power. Soon his coat was too beautiful to show to his old friends. He took it where it would be appreciated. Where he

I spent a happy afternoon in the park, following squirrels and digging up their nuts. They are fast, but they are small and stupid, so they cannot stop you. A snick and a flick of the trowel and the treasure is yours. I piled my prizes under a glass bowl,

I won a year's supply of dog food, which should logically be no dog food, since I don't have a dog. I expected vouchers, but no: they delivered it in one go. It sat in the hallway, taking up more and less space than I expected,