Daily stories

She must have thrown the bouquet so far. It sailed over the guests' heads, over the hedge, over the horizon. She laughed and flexed her bicep, and there was cheering and laughter. Later, it flew over the opposite wall, looking a little the worse for wear, and slammed into the side of the groom's head as he was talking to her cousin. Everyone agreed that a thing like that had to mean good luck for the marriage.

but only when— and even if— before we saw— the day after— when she told me— only later did I— by then it was too— they should have known— it felt not sad but—

I shut my mouth, my book, my door, my eyes, and began at the beginning instead.

They did free skull-measuring at work, booked out a meeting room for the day, got someone in with all the proper gear. They even sent out little graphics of your results for LinkedIn, really professional. I wasn't too sure about it, to be honest, but it was really interesting. They said I've got an trustworthy brow, and trust has always been so important to me, so you can tell they know what they're doing. And they said I've got a head for leadership. So I'd definitely recommend it.

He told me he collected butterflies. I imagined a plastic tunnel in his garden with thick, hot air that made you sleepy. I imagined a little glass-fronted box where cocoons hung in rows, and us holding hands as something new emerged and unfurled its wings. I imagined delicate things that he protected, and he showed me drawers and drawers of death.

The apprentice came back with tartan paint. Campbell, the tin said. It rolled on beautiful, sharp edges and dead straight. The next day we sent him for sky hooks, and I don't know how we ever worked without them. The day after, he handed Al a left-handed screwdriver, and when Al used it he said it just felt right. He almost had tears in his eyes. We should have left it there, while it was all harmless fun.

The world ended with an eight-week consultation period, which didn't seem to make much difference. Representatives of the living were selected to sit in meetings with ancient gods and fundamental forces and (just showing its face for five minutes due to a packed schedule) the endless, yawning void. Their contributions were diligently minuted. Most of us were redeployed to other realities. Some of us came out of it quite well, on paper. And you can see why it happened, the way things were going. But still, the morale is gone.

There were men in the woods with 3D-printed chainmail and LED-tipped wizards' staves. Eliza watched them from the campsite office: flashes in the trees, and every now and then, a knight or a warlock emerging for a piss or a phonecall or a can of Irn Bru. God, they looked stupid. It was hard not to laugh when they came to pay. But there hadn't been a monster in the woods since they started coming.

His magic coat grew new embroidery overnight, marking out his accomplishments in threads of green and gold and scarlet. It grew in beauty as he grew in power. Soon his coat was too beautiful to show to his old friends. He took it where it would be appreciated. Where he would be appreciated. The embroidery stopped growing: now she wasn't there to sit and stitch all night.

I spent a happy afternoon in the park, following squirrels and digging up their nuts. They are fast, but they are small and stupid, so they cannot stop you. A snick and a flick of the trowel and the treasure is yours. I piled my prizes under a glass bowl, so the squirrels could see what they had lost. Their little paws skittered on the glass. If one dug under I would break its back. We all deserve a chance to be on top.

I won a year's supply of dog food, which should logically be no dog food, since I don't have a dog. I expected vouchers, but no: they delivered it in one go. It sat in the hallway, taking up more and less space than I expected, the way every year is longer and shorter than you expect, both at once. I wondered what it would look like if you stacked up all the food I needed for a year, or for a lifetime. I was going to drive it to the rescue centre that afternoon, but instead I made space in the cupboard. I gave it away a meal at a time for twelve months, to shelters and food banks and men on the street you could tell always fed their dogs first. It's electrifying, to be rich in anything.