The dull dread had drained from his limbs while he slept. It must be in the sheets somewhere: he sprang up to go about washing them. Crisp, fresh linen for a crisp, fresh day. They dried double-quick in the sun, and as he watched the low wind fill them he thought of great sailing ships on a calm blue sea. He wondered where all that fear and misery had come from, but it didn't do to dwell on it, with a whole wonderful life to be getting on with.
Beneath his feet, unnoticed, the earth began to crack in two.
I took the little box you made me out to the garage, where the wasps build their nests. Such light, papery things they make. It will take them decades to get through it. At the end of each winter I cut down the empty nest and hang it gently from my ceiling. All your beautiful inlaid details, spread out above me. You take up so much space.
We sat and watched the paragliders circling above us, and I told her what my brother had told me, about how the geological fault that built the cliffs they sailed from was still moving the landscape today, and the paragliders were the only way to monitor the shifting ground. Halfway through I realised it was a lie, one of those soap bubble lies that survives until you touch it. But she believed it, just as I had, and I let her. So does that make me a liar?
She must have thrown the bouquet so far. It sailed over the guests' heads, over the hedge, over the horizon. She laughed and flexed her bicep, and there was cheering and laughter. Later, it flew over the opposite wall, looking a little the worse for wear, and slammed into the side of the groom's head as he was talking to her cousin. Everyone agreed that a thing like that had to mean good luck for the marriage.
but only when— and even if— before we saw— the day after— when she told me— only later did I— by then it was too— they should have known— it felt not sad but—
I shut my mouth, my book, my door, my eyes, and began at the beginning instead.
They did free skull-measuring at work, booked out a meeting room for the day, got someone in with all the proper gear. They even sent out little graphics of your results for LinkedIn, really professional. I wasn't too sure about it, to be honest, but it was really interesting. They said I've got an trustworthy brow, and trust has always been so important to me, so you can tell they know what they're doing. And they said I've got a head for leadership. So I'd definitely recommend it.
He told me he collected butterflies. I imagined a plastic tunnel in his garden with thick, hot air that made you sleepy. I imagined a little glass-fronted box where cocoons hung in rows, and us holding hands as something new emerged and unfurled its wings. I imagined delicate things that he protected, and he showed me drawers and drawers of death.
The apprentice came back with tartan paint. Campbell, the tin said. It rolled on beautiful, sharp edges and dead straight. The next day we sent him for sky hooks, and I don't know how we ever worked without them. The day after, he handed Al a left-handed screwdriver, and when Al used it he said it just felt right. He almost had tears in his eyes. We should have left it there, while it was all harmless fun.
The world ended with an eight-week consultation period, which didn't seem to make much difference. Representatives of the living were selected to sit in meetings with ancient gods and fundamental forces and (just showing its face for five minutes due to a packed schedule) the endless, yawning void. Their contributions were diligently minuted. Most of us were redeployed to other realities. Some of us came out of it quite well, on paper. And you can see why it happened, the way things were going. But still, the morale is gone.
There were men in the woods with 3D-printed chainmail and LED-tipped wizards' staves. Eliza watched them from the campsite office: flashes in the trees, and every now and then, a knight or a warlock emerging for a piss or a phonecall or a can of Irn Bru. God, they looked stupid. It was hard not to laugh when they came to pay. But there hadn't been a monster in the woods since they started coming.
